i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Floor bacon is actually really good
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
