NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
