I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
