As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
