Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
