You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
we're making bets on your personal life
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
