Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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