Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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