Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
