note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
