It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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