Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
