Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
