Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
