3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm gonna have a badass scar
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Randomize
