it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
