Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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