I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
