you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
