Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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