My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
