hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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