I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
