My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
