I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I booty called her while she was in labor.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
