Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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