yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
