Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
