the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize