At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
