I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
