There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
