you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
