I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
