I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
