does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
