I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
