and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
