Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You're like the curious george of whores
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
