I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
