The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
