Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
