He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
