My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
