I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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