He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
