My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
