even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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