I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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