Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
