Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
