So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
