Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
