So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
