Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
