its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
They are going to name an STD after you.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
