Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
