I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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