how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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