Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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