So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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