this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
