she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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